Day 5 Of My 2 Week Mental Institution Stay

May is Mental Health Awareness month and after coming across the journal I kept while being a resident of Compass Behavioral Health, almost three years ago, I’ve decided to share something.

I’ve never been hesitant to talk about me being in that place but I have been hesitant about talking about what went on in that place. The things I, as well as others experienced was just something I didn’t want to talk about. I used to think places like this were for the betterment of people like me-and while not everyone was horrible-I just don’t think that anymore.

This is a picture of my day 5 journal entry. ✍🏾

Here’s an excerpt,

“Speaking of writing, I was given the task of writing an inspiration quote on the whiteboard every morning. That gave me sooo much joy. Did they know I loved to write?”

I was still the new kid.
But for a moment I was on top of the world because even when I was at my lowest, people still wanted to hear what I had to say.

And I had written down quotes I thought of in preparation of writing them on the board every morning. Because ya know being prepared on a three meals a day/ forced interaction/ cigarette breaks kept me sane type schedule got me a fresh pair of socks 😉

And there was this one particular quote I created which was, “choosing to display your art even when it’s messy and colored outside the lines is such a beautiful thing to do. Replace the word “art” with “self” and I’d feel the exact same way.”

And when I went to erase it one of the other patients (who I by the way butted heads with on like my 2nd day there) asked me to wait a second and I looked down at what he was doing and why he wanted me to wait— well folks, he was writing my quote down. He wanted to remember my words.

Now he checked out of there before I did and I have no clue where he is or if he still carries around that piece of paper he wrote my words down on— BUT in that moment I told myself, “WRITING IS WHAT YOU WERE MEANT TO DO”

I’ve become okay with not being okay.
Because it is in fact okay to not be okay..
I just want people to know that when you find what you are passionate about-LET NO ONE try and convince you otherwise.
I don’t give a damn about popularity and likes and yadda yadda blah 😑
If it makes you happy, keep doing it.
People who truly love and support you will see the way you smile when you do the things you love and in return they’ll be all you ever need to just keep swimming.

Just keep swimming friends.
Until next time-keep writing ✍🏾🥀🖤

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Photo Of The Day 5.16.21

Photo By: Candice Leigh

📓𝚂𝚘 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚊𝚐𝚘, 𝙸 𝚙𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚢 𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚜.
📔𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚛 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕, 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚋𝚊𝚛𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛.
✍🏾𝙸𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 go𝚝 𝚍𝚛𝚘𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚎𝚕𝚜𝚎 𝙸’𝚍 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚝𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎.
🤯𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔𝚜 𝙸 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚙𝚜𝚢ch𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚌 𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚙𝚝𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚕. 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚕𝚎𝚏𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚢 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 wh𝚘 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚝𝚘𝚍𝚊𝚢.
🥲𝚂𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝙸 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚕𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚖𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚢 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍, “𝙷𝙰𝙿𝙿𝚈”. 𝙻𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚓𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚜, 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝?!
📝𝙰𝚗𝚢𝚑𝚘𝚘, 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚑 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢, 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝚒𝚝.
𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚜𝚘.
😩𝙸 𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝚖𝚢 𝚓𝚘𝚢 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚖𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚊 𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚛 𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚕.
🤬𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐, “𝚈𝚘𝚞’𝚟𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚏 ev𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚎𝚕𝚜𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗’𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚕 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝!”
🖊 𝙻𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚝, 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚢 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕-𝙳𝚊𝚢 𝟺 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚢 𝟸 𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢- 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚍𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚢𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚊 𝚙𝚎𝚗 wi𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚝 𝚖𝚢𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏…
🖍𝙽𝚘, 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚢𝚘𝚗 𝚕𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚊𝚏𝚎𝚝𝚢